Stanzy Childs
2003 Andre Sobel Award - Honorable Mention Recipient

Dear James,

This is something I’ve wanted to share with you for a while because you’re such a good friend to me. I want you to understand what I’ve learned about friendship over the past 3 years. I’ve learned that openness makes up true friendship: openness to see a person for whom they are, openness to share my self with other people, and openness to accept the help of friends.

Having cancer also gave me a new perspective on people. It made me realize that appearances aren’t everything. I didn’t look or feel like myself a lot of the time I was on treatment and it wasn’t my fault. There was a reason. This made me realize that other people have reasons too. You never know who might be going through a hard time unless you look past their appearance and how they act.

This concept was really hit home a few months ago. There was a girl that I met at a camp for cancer patients and with whom I had formed a close relationship. I found out a few months before the fact that her brain tumor was terminal. I tried to spend time with her but she lived far away and her brain was being eaten away by the cancer. She died a few months later. I don’t need to tell you how hard this was for me. I went to her funeral and it was a life changing experiences. I saw her body but Sara wasn’t there. I realized that we’re just walking around in these bodies that are going to die. I asked myself, “How much effort am I putting into improving my personality, vs. how much I am putting into the part of me that’s going to be worm food eventually?” It also made me think about investing more in relationships. I realized that I need not be frivolous with relationships. I only have a short window of time to get to know you and I want each moment to count. I want no regrets.

I have also learned to open myself to other people. In high school I made friends easily because I was the one reaching out to people. But I was so focused on being other people’s friend I didn’t share myself with them. I know about them but they didn’t know about me. After a while I realized it wasn’t enough to just understand them and be their friend. There was something missing. I wanted to be understood and cared for too. So I had to learn to be honest and open my self to other people which was something I hadn’t done much in the past. You’ve helped me do this and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.

I learned that true friendship has to go both ways to create that intimacy one has with a close friend. I also learned the importance of friendship. When I was diagnosed I was amazed to see how my community lifted my family up in prayers and supported us through hard times. I really found out how many people cared for me and my family. It was hard at first for me to accept that help because I was independent and used to doing things myself. I really had to let go of my pride and allow my self to accept love from people. I think this is something truly important in life. Friends helped sustain me through treatment. And I’m learning that friends can help sustain me through the rest of my life.

This comes down to my very life philosophy. My relationships help create meaning for my life. What else do I have but relationships? What really matters in my live? It’s not going to matter what I did, what rewards I got, how popular I was, or how many possessions I had. When someone I love dies all I have left is the relationship I had with them. I’ve learned that each person needs friendship and intimacy with others. This is my priority in life: to glorify the Lord my God, to take each day that I have as a gift, and to build relationships with the time that I have.

I hope you learned some about me and understand why I want you to be more open with me.

Friends forever,
Stanzy